My Fashionable Life

Keep on knitting in the faith. Try not to judge yourself against others. Their path isn't as clear and easy as it appears. And rarely are they as accomplished as we are led to believe.

Anna, I don't think your inspiration and creativity is deserting you, you haven't closed the door on writing a book, or anything else you want to do. You are extremely talented at knitting, designing, writing, motherhood, and keeping your head above the water. I have been reading your blog for years and I know how many hundreds of devoted fans you have, both here and across the world. Thats something to be proud of. I usually find that something will turn up, would it be a terrible cliche to say when you least expect it? When you're ready to do that next 'big thing' we'll all be queuing up for it. There is always a way to make stuff happen, and everyone is consumed with self-doubt, they wouldn't be human otherwise. Don't worry, this is not the end. Deep breath x

Deep breath indeed - writing this must have been hard and I hope it is helping you to have got those feelings out there.

I'm not sure whether I have commented here before, I should have as I often read, love your work and hearing about Stan and your life. I want to say something today as those feelings seem familiar even though I don't have a little one to accommodate in my life. Maybe we all face similar worries at different times as we try and make the best of our lives, maybe conspicuous overachievement is a symptom of these anxieties bubbling away underneath!

I think we compare ourselves too much to others and try and look too far ahead in life generally - enjoying the moment has become a trite phrase but if you can capture the joy of just enjoying where you are right now and doing what is best for you and yours at any specific moment then I don't think it's an empty idea. I get there sometimes and then life just feels right. Knitting helps me for sure as I think it does most of us.

Knit on if you enjoy it and maybe try and just let life carry you round the next bend in the road.

Anna, I'm absolutely certain your creativity and inspiration are not deserting you - they're just being channeled in a completely different way. Having a small baby to look after is HARD WORK. You probably won't realise just how much effort it all is until you're well past this stage.

I have a colleague who had her second child at the same time as I had my first. I proceeded to have my second child 2 years later. So when my son was 3 I was still deep in nappies and sleepless nights with a one-year old. My colleague started talking about 'getting her life back' and I had no idea what she was talking about.

Then my younger child turned 3, and suddenly it began to make sense. I started feeling like me again. The children don't need the same level of attention, not least they are at school/nursery for significant portions of the day. I'm still not a perfect housewife (never have been, never will be), but I have time to myself and can 'do things'.

So it will come, don't force it. When these first few years are over they will seem very brief, although when you're going through them it can be difficult to see that they will ever end.

As for other new mothers who are looking after triplets, keeping immaculate houses, holding down full-time jobs and writing several books simultaneously - good for them, well done. It's not a competition - you are living your life, and dealing with the things you have to deal with. They are living theirs.

I know what you mean... it seems like everything is sparkly and perfect in everyone else's lives on the blogs while I hate the idea that I have to wake up in four hours and commute an hour and a half to work, then school.

Keep knitting, Anna; that's what I'm trying. It keep me afloat, even though I never finish anything and don't blog often enough.

How to stay inspired? I just keep looking at all the great stuff out there, knitting and writing in my journal, hoping that one day I'll suck less at knitting and life in general.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I remember that when I had my son it took my almost nine months until I found my way back to the piano again, and then I only did a little. It's different for everyone but I found that I was so tired that all I craved was sleep. Then it got better. And then a little worse, and then better, and nowadays (my son is 5 1/2 now) I have more time and energy again.

When my inspiration well is empty I do two things. One, I go on "Artist's Dates" with myself which means going some place that's visually stimulating like the botanical garden or a museum, looking through books about art. You can even take your son in a stroller. Two, I just start creating something.

I'm sorry you feel so badly - a lot of it really is related to the newness of motherhood, the lack of sleep, and the stress about going back to work. Anne P., the other commenter is right, it will all get better, but it takes a while. And, it's not a contest - you have to do what's right for you and your family. Some of my favorite lines from the poem 'Desiderata' are:
"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time." Chin up!

Your post makes me kind of sad, because I strongly regret living in a time where new mothers feel the pressure to achieve a whole lot of things only a few months after giving birth. Having a child is a huge change, and we should recognize it as that. With your history of depression, you're probably among the more vulnerable of us, and maybe you're just not like those bulldozer mums managing it all. We are constructed to focus almost entirely on our new babies when we have them, if not, they would actually die (at least a 1000 years ago, out genes aren't quite adusted to the society we live in today..).

You're creativity will come back. Probably not this year, maybe not the next, but eventually it will. But first, you're just a mum. And that's fine. And by the way, being a mum and learning to accept the ways your child limits your doings - or said in another way: balances your life - may actually make you less vulnerable to depression. And if not, you'll handle that, too. Just know that the way it is now isn't the way having kids will be forever! You'll have yourself back in a while. You'll even be allowed to sleep through the nights - every night! Don't worry.

It was a lovely post you wrote there, thank you!

Tora.

Please don't be too hard on yourself. Is there some small thing that you really enjoy that you (and Stanley) could go and do? I started reading your blog when I was entering a prolonged period of depression. I very much appreciated your honesty about your own experiences with the illness at a time when I felt like I was the only one struggling. And I was inspired by your writing and your knitting, with both the finished as well as the attention to detail, the colours and the textures. I am much better now but I still try to remain mindful and to not put too much pressure on myself, and accept that this is not weakness but a way of looking after my mental health much as I would my physical self. Try not to rush yourself.
I hope that you will keep writing and knitting. Thank you.
Victoria

Don't worry.
I found the post birth time to be deep lull of many kinds. Medical professionals will tell you it's hormones. It takes more time for some than others to get their grove back. For me it was 6 months until I felt itchy to create.
In the meantime, just breathe. Commas are in a sentence for a reason. It doesn't mean it's the end of the story.

Motherhood is so freaking hard, and the responsibility is so intense -- that's a human being you're responsible for, a teeny little helpless one -- that I don't know how anyone escapes feeling guilty or depressed when they have a young child. We want to be the best mama possible, and to fail being the best? Horrors. Add hormones, and perpetual lack of sleep, and very little personal time, and it's surprising we all don't go screaming naked into the streets. (Well, I did, once, but I was wearing pyjamas.)
How we even remember our own names as young mothers is a miracle to me, let alone being able to think of ourselves as artists, designers, writers, what-have-you.
Please, hang in there. In not too much time your child will be learning to care for himself, and think his own thoughts, and do his own things, and you can take a deep breath and have time to be Anna the Designer/Knitter/anything beyond being a mother again.
I love Elizabeth's comment about commas. I think I'll put that one up on the wall.
Much love.

New motherhood (by which I mean the first couple of years) takes enormous energy and focus and creativity, and rightly so. It is not just the physical energy of feeding and carrying and getting up at night - I found that motherhood taps the same well of psychic energy that is used to birth creative projects out of our brains and into physical reality. Because society still undervalues motherhood and children, we are led to believe that this temporary diversion of our creative energy means that we have given up valuable productivity for a banal biological function. Not true.

I would encourage you to keep writing through this - it may help you to recover the voice and sense of self you fear you have lost.

Take heart - in the big picture, this phase is very very small - so small that you will mourn it's passing one day.

I can very much relate to this. It took me a year or more after the births of my girls to get somewhat back to the place I was before.

The truth is that you never do quite make it back there. The other truth is that this time and the adjustments of life with children create something new and wonderful with time. I have found though that it does take time...especially since I had no idea the wealth of time I actually had before they came along! Now, looking back, I see the power of being forced to just let myself be during those early years. It was often frustrating and I sometimes suffered depression, but I feel like a fuller person now because of it and I know my kids benefited as well.

That inspiration and creativity are still there and very much a part of you they are just absorbing this new life you're creating for yourself and S. Someone else suggested Artist Dates I did this when my kids were young and highly recommend it.

My own mother's wisdom when I've felt I should?
"Don't should all over yourself!"

And I too suffer sometimes when I read of bloggers who seem to do it all and beautifully too; I just try to imagine the dirty dishes and diapers behind the very small slice of life we're let in on:-)

Hugs

Motherhood is hard work, mentally and physically. Don't beat yourself up, enjoy him, delight in him and the rest will follow when the time is right.

Comparing ourselves to others is definitely a dead-end street, and yet we can't seem to help ourselves. For me, it's looking at the people my age who are big art-world superstars while I'm just newly out of grad school (what's even more ridiculous is that art-world superstardom isn't what I want from my life and yet I still let it make me feel bad). You've just done an amazing thing and it's going to consume your attention, your strength and your creativity for a long time. There will always be a niche in the knit design world for you to slip back into when you're ready.

I truly believe that we can choose to fill the well of inspiration when it gets low. Can you arrange a day for yourself? Plan an outing of self-indulgent idea-gathering. Art galleries, museums or beautiful shops could be on your list of destinations. Be sure to bring your camera, and a sketchbook is handy when the people-watching is fruitful. Make the day a creative treat for yourself, go out with your eyes open and I think you will come home brimming with possibilities.

Poking my infrequent head up to say: I am one of those new mothers who seem to have everything together from the outside--my first novel just came out, I've done a bunch of readings, I'm still trying to write every day--but in reality I feel completely overwhelmed and frustrated and scattered. Three-month-old Lucy is a really easy baby, and my husband is off for the summer, so is able to take care of her for half the day--and I still feel like I cannot get anything done.

Let's give ourselves a break, shall we? I find that giving myself permission to do nothing more than enjoy my little girl and to make something tasty and creative for dinner can result in a very good day--I try to think of it as creativity directed into new channels. Sooner or later we'll get our old selves back, but in the meantime, this phase passes so fast--wouldn't want to miss it. Sending you a big hug from across the Atlantic!

First, you need to stop trying to predict the future. It would also help if you were easier on yourself. It's much better to step back from a project as early as you did than create turmoil in your life and maybe not deliver the project at all. That would be REALLY bad. Instead, you made the right decision for you at the time.

Second, who says that opportunities only come to you once? Your knitting talent isn't going to evaporate, is it? People who appreciate your work [I would be one of them :-)] will only be *glad* when you're ready to do more stuff for publication, whenever that is.

Third, a break is a good thing. It allows you to do other things and those things will likely fuel the creativity you feel you're missing in your knitting.

All this is said from experience, either first-hand or witnessed first-hand. There are days I *NEVER* want to see another ball of yarn. It passes.

And if it helps, I started Knitty while at a day job, helped build and grow it while at a day job and have only been at it full time since June 06. You can be creative & have a day job, too. It's harder, of course, with a little one to care for, but when you're ready to start designing again, you will.

Take care,
Amy

You know, I have been there too. You keep going, doing what you can when the feeling strikes, and be grateful for the inspiration that does come, regardless of the form it takes. I am very glad to tell you that although it has taken years, I am back! And starting my photography business that I've dreamed about for years.

It will come back. You can't force it, but when it's ready it will come back. Just hang in till then!

Hugs,

Sarah xo

I'm a long-time lurker saying hello. Hello!
When I purchased the Flicca pattern, I was led to your blog and have been amazed by your creativity & talent. I'm also a creative person who has struggled my entire adult life with 'black dog' depression. Through reading your blog, I've been inspired by the success you've acheived in your life. I've appreciated the honesty with which you've discussed similar struggles in your life. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences on your blog. Reading them has helped me. Today I reach out to you in return.
My 2nd child was born 17 months ago, and at times I've felt so completely absorbed in my role as a mother that I fear that I've lost my identity & creativity in the demands of caring for another child. I understand that this is a time when you feel the least like your best, creative self. However, please be patient! It gets better! It gets (somewhat) easier. Motherhood may eclipse some aspects of your previous life for a while, but children grow quickly. I can tell you with certainty that your creative-self will emerge again. You must believe that you're doing something very worthwhile now by being a mom. You are talented and creative. Nothing can take that away from you. When you are ready, you will create again. Go slowly. Relish each tiny creative thing you do. Just keep going. Keep creating.
I've been there and am just a few months ahead of you. This spring, I'm feeling very well; more like myself; stronger and able to do more. It will happen to you too. Please keep writing about your experiences on your blog, if it's helpful for you to do so. A perfect stranger from across the world appeciates it when you do & can relate to what you're going through. :)

I was going to read all the comments but the children are restless today so I don't have a ton of time.

Which brings me to: "new mothers" nothing. Once you have a child the comparisons never end - they just change as the child gets older. It's a matter of developing coping skills that you will use continuously from now on.

My children are almost-7 and just-4, and now it's whose-child-is-best-at-ballet, and how-does-she-manage-to-keep-her-house-so-clean-and-her-daughter's-hair-braided-so-beautifully?

I've learned that my home and my lifestyle - SAHM, knitting at all hours, hot muffins now and then, kettle perpetually on - has become an oasis for a lot of those achiever friends of mine. The doorbell is never still around here, and those women just shove the piles of folded laundry aside and plunk their couture butts on my faded couch to watch me knit by the hour. They are always wistful when it comes time to go. I don't know why this should be - they've got beautiful serene homes with no crumbs on the coffee table where they could go and enjoy a restful hour - but I just go with it. If that's how they feel, I'm happy to have them.

As to knitting, Amy is right: it's not going anywhere. A baby takes a lot of intensive time - this might be a good opportunity to restore your creative energy by letting it sleep for a while. Keep a corkboard of ideas, or something, but don't pressure yourself to develop them.

You've had a lot of advice here today so I'll leave it at that.

I don't know. I too have been accompanied by the black dog along various parts of my travels, and it is so easy to say when everything is light and bright, but as you know, he does go as he comes, and the only thing you can do, really, is sit it out. But so frightening to do. For that, I have found the best things for me are acupuncture and meditation - mindfulness for depression is a really interesting area that just seems to be taking off, and is really worth looking into, I think. For inspiration, well, all the poets have written of the elusive muse, and it should be no different with knitting, surely? I find that I am either reading a lot, or knitting a lot; I don't seem to be able to do both at once, and when the knitting goes it leaves me feeling bereft for a little, and then I bury myself in novels for days, or weeks (in the little time I would normally be knitting) and after a while I suddenly find I'm itching to knit again! Don't fret, dear. I'd only repeat here what I wrote last time about your bravery in choosing not to write the book this time, but would add to it that just because it's not right now, doesn't mean it won't be the thing you absolutely must do at some point down the line. Hugs.

I dropped by your site today to thank you for your lovely knitting patterns. I have made Flicca and am nearly through with Claude. I wear Flicca every day at my dreary job and wanted to thank you, since your blog (and others) have inspired me to try to find an alternative way to make a living. My passion is theater, which is certainly not a money making career choice in my neck of the woods. At any rate, please know there are others making the journey and though you may feel frightened, you're not on your own. And even doubtful, you can inspire. Best.

Dear Anna, I found your blog a while ago and after today's post was inspired to comment. You are so much not a failure. You have achieved so much, you are still creating - a family, you are doing something amazing you are nurturing a new life. I have the black dog following me around sometimes and I have been so inspired by your creativity and achievements. These low times do pass - the darkest hours are always just before the dawn. Enjoy this precious time with your baby, it goes so quickly. Warmest wishes.

Dear Anna, please don't be hard on yourself, you are a new Mum and everyone is so different in how they go about combining motherhood with other stuff. I was useless and couldn't combine it with anything!! You don't have to try to be creative, it will come when you least expect it too. Take care of yourself. xxx

Hi Anna,

I lurk here, and I love your blog and knitting.

Chin up! We all go through phases of ups and downs, and I feel like what helps me is to sometimes mix it up. if the knitting isn't helping, try a new craft. The most uplifting and interesting thing to me is mastering something I haven't done before. And sometimes knitting can be dull. Move on, go for a walk, grab some coffee with a friend, go to a museum. Write write write for yourself, for us, for no one.

I'm sure that having a baby isn't always easy, they are so encompassing and aren't always the most inspiring. You don't have to produce something continually to be successful. Just let it come, enjoy the moments you have with your beautiful boy for now and the creative juices will come. I look forward to reading more of your blog, and I hope you feel better! We're here for you! :)

Goodness me, he's only 7 months old and he's gorgeous, why would you be knitting and writing as well? Of course it will come back, but don't beat yourself up about it. It'll most likely come back when you have least time, and then you can worry about that as well :) Seriously though, you're doing brilliantly and it will sort itself out. Enjoy spending time with him now and worry about everything else later.

When I feel like all my inspiration is gone, I go back to this book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and she helps me to find the every day little sparkles of joy. In fact, I am on the artist's way right now as I am feeling the pull of a job that pays much money and the desire to do what I truly love even if it won't pay. So that's where I go. Hugs.

For me, the problem is the amount of pressure that I put myself under trying to please, or live up to the expectations of, others.

It's not them, it is me. Often I find out later that while I was rushing around to avoid letting them down, they did not really mind at all. So I do it to myself - it can completely stymy me; it certainly stifles my ability to be creative.

A couple of weeks ago I had the rare oasis bliss of a Sunday with my fella doing mundane chores (washing a caravan). The sun was shining and we did not need to be anywhere, doing anything else and without any doubt at all - it has been the best day of my year so far. It made me realise what a helter-skelter path my life has been on since before Christmas (and I have not have a big life event like a baby either).

What that gift has given me, is the lift and energy that I needed to clear the decks, so that I can move forwards. I'm now have two UFOs off my list and I am tackling a third - no this is not being particularly creative but it is productive and I am still informing myself, using techniques that I have not used before and may be able to use again in the future.

You know how sometimes, if public transport or traffic is stuffed, you take a different, longer route. You know that overall, you will not be home any earlier but you feel better about it all because you are moving and feeling that you are making progress?

This has been a bit of a ramble, certainly not as articulately put as some of your other commenters.

My suggestion is that you try to give yourself permission to relax a bit. Easier said than done I know but...? Then work on some things that are not taxing but are still productive, so that you feel that you are making progress?

I have found that as I work on the things that need finishing off, my brain is already saying, 'Oh, I could do this with this...or I wonder what it would look like if I did x with that?'

Start small and I suspect that your creativity will not be able to avoid being curious about what you are up to and will tiptoe out of its hiding place to sneak a look over your shoulder!

It's hard to find creativity when you're exhausted from lack of sleep and the enormous HARD work that being a new mum is (not to mention identity re-alignment of being someone's "Mum").It's natural to question but you and your creativity and inspiration are still there. Your focus at the moment is on your darling boy and sometimes the more you go looking for something the harder it is to find. Let yourself relax, enjoy your knitting time and this time of your life for what they are. Don't carve up your own nature, you have an enormous amount of talent for writing, knitting, design and motherhood too and your audience loves you!

I think our children are an expression of our creativity. They are our life's work and our ongoing project.
Cut yourself some slack and enjoy every moment of your precious little one - our babies grow so fast, they're starting school and then moody teenages before we know it!
There'll be plenty of time for full on knitting and writing in the years to come, but you can never recapture these special baby times.

Ho Anna! Don't give up because you're so talented!
Inspiration will come back , you may have a little break perhaps...
If you want inspiration back don't run after, just keep yourself quiet, go out, meet some friends, go to see clothes shop, maybe go in the countryside just to breath deeply and feel more quiet and forgot about your none inspiration stress.

You had a lot of reader right here, supporting you, don't worry.
Just think about your needs, then your knitting inspiration.
Take care,
Much love from France,

Alice...

Personal pronouns are the first casualties of early motherhood - keep writing if only to use them in at least one place in your life. I scan my posts to ensure I have used them - to make sure the post is of "Me".

My memories of the baby bearing years are studded with a painful sense of creative hunger verging on near starvation. Don't give up there are ways to wedge creative output into the maternal life. Don't be impatient - the time lines with young children can be long.

I now knit and write surrounded with the most amazing people (our children) that I have ever known! Eventually you will too!

Hi- I'm a long-time reader of your blog, and I love your designs and your thoughts on knitting. Just wanted to add my voice to the crowd of supporters you have here- give yourself time, and don't worry that opportunities are going to disappear if you don't seize them this very moment! I have those kinds of fears all the time, but I really have found that what seems like a closing door turns out to be just making way for something better down the line. Clearly you've got plenty of fans who will be excited about whatever you do, whenever you're ready to do it. And inspiration WILL come back to you, probably when you least expect it.

Everyone here has given such wonderful advice, I won't add to it. I only wanted to say that parenthood has always seemed to me to be about guilt. Whether it's that everyone else's homes are cleaner and tidier, their children are developing more quickly or simply that they found time to apply makeup AND make cakes. I think that most people survive by showing one side to the public and keeping the nasties hidden under the stairs. All demands will eventually be met, they may just have to wait patiently. x x x

just wanted to say, hang in there. there is so much that happens in the first year of mama hood. i did not feel clear until a few months ago right when the little ones turned one. it is hard to find the wellspring of inspiration and creativity...soon, stanley will become part of that as he begins his discovery. and i think you will find some new clarity and calling as he does. like i said, hang in there. and try not to do the comparison thing with other mamas, it just wrecks you. i know, i constantly do it to myself.

Delurking to say I love your writing and your knitting- the combination is what I think draws us to your blog. Your humility is so refreshing since your work speaks for itself.

When I feel a little down, my sister will always tell me, "You're comparing yourself to the wrong people" which is actually a very useful comment and one that I embrace. I offer it to you across the miles. New babies are very lovable and very exhausting! I will buy any book you write even if it is 20 years from now- there's time in life for all of it.

Hello sweetie!

It's taken me a while to comment on this post, as I've been mulling over it and remembering my own struggle during the same period. I don't have any answers - I'm not sure there are any! - but I'll tell you my tale in the hope that it helps.

I had Grumbles not long after I'd finished my fashion course, and had been very busy designing prior to her birth. Of course, I did get rather ill having her, which made a big differnce, but I was astounded at the number of people who began asking, when she was 6 months old, when I was going to start designing again. I tried to tell them how all my creative energy was sucked into looking after my baby, but the words sounded hollow even to my own ears.

Now, with the benefit of time, I can look back and see that is was truly the case for me. I tried to do work and write, but the juices weren't flowing. It wasn't my fault, and it certainly wasn't a failure - it was merely the part of the aftermath of bringing a brand new life into the world, and I needed to remember to myself that it takes a heck of a lot of doing and hard work, and if I wasn't whipping up fabulous garments and writing Pulitzer prize winning work at the same time then gosh darn it so what? I had a Grumbles, one who was thriving and growing more and more each and every day, and that is truly an accomplishment to be proud of.

You have achieved so much so far, in so many different and wonderful ways, and I'm always incredibly impressed by you.

Anna, it will come back. Until it does, just do the next thing. :)

Anna, I know exactly how you feel but you have all the time in the world to achieve your goals and I am certain that you will be able to. However, we only have a very limited time to enjoy our baby cuddles, to obsess over their tiny problems and to marvel at their amazing new skills.

You'll get there in the end - I'm sure. In the meantime, we're all here supporting you and we'll all be here to buy your book whether it takes two years or twenty years.

Knitting and reading are my lifelines. Will you have a commute when you go back to work, or a lunch break? At least then you could have a small amount of time to do some knitting or writing. Could you take an evening off from looking after Stan to just go out somewhere quiet by yourself and write or knit. I used to love going to the V&A on late night opening and just hanging around thinking and being by myself but a library or coffee shop is almost as nice.

Anna, I'm sure what I am going to write has been offered to you in the comments above, but I feel I need to have my say.

You can't compare yourself to other mothers. Say that for one day that beautiful boy was left in the care of someone else--that you were allowed to be a "fly on the wall"and watch--yes, surely there may be some things that mother does that you find quite clever. After all, that's how parents learn. But surely there will be many more things that would make you think, "no, NO, she's doing it all wrong!" And certainly that boy with the gorgeous eyelashes would know it too, because she simply isn't, and never could be, you.

Take it from someone who's mother was never really there--that boy cares not one bit if you write a book or not. He just wants you there. To tickle the bottom of his feet, kiss his face 'til he squeals, and hug him 'til he's warm all over.

And don't forget to show the same love and compassion to yourself. I'm rooting for you, Anna!

Hi, Anna,
Your post has been haunting me all morning. On so many levels, although I don't have any children (a big difference, I know), I relate to the feelings and fears you wrote about. For the past several years, I've been battling CFS/ME and fibromyalgia. A life-long writer and artist, I am constantly afraid that I'm losing my inspiration, creativity, AND my abilities. So I push myself, a lot. Which makes me feel worse. It's hard to look back on decisions you made and feel any sense of regret. But remember, you did what you needed to do to take care of yourself at that time, and you were doing the very best you could. More work will come...your talent is breathtaking. Writing and knitting, even if you feel it's boring or not creative, will help keep the creative juices flowing. I know, from trying to keep up with writing for myself. I just KNOW that if I write a few Morning Pages (from The Artist's Way), my creative well will start to replenish. Maybe that would be helpful? Anyway, I'm sorry to go on and on...But when you feel down, remember you're not alone in those feelings. And be kind to -- and patient with -- yourself. Hugs, Hannah

Dear Anna,

I like your blog, I like writing and knitting and its not a long time ago that I discovered creativity as a a precious source against my fears and depression that seem to be part of my life since I am a child. I have a son like you that I love very much. Even though receiving a child and giving birth to a baby seems to be the most creative act I understand you so well. Raising a child consumes so much energy and the creative outputin the first years seems to be limited to the thougts and demands that its takes to raise your child in a sound and safe way, giving him a happy childhood. But your need for inspiration and creativity is a right of your own that is so important to see and to nourish. If you can be creative again you will gain more energy and your inspiration will grow, it will make you happy and give you a lot of power for your child and the daily life. It is difficult to organize space and time with a little child and a job. Maybe you can do it only in little steps in the beginning. But the job will give you more structure again even though it is time consuming. And you have a loving and understanding husband who probably can allow you time for your own creative needs on the weekend. Try to get as much support by your parents and parents in law, or other caring relatives and friends who like children and can look after sweet Stanley a couple of hours sometimes. There is nothing wrong with it!!!! It's only in the western europe society that we forgot about the good power of big families that support each other and do not leave a couple alone raising their children.

Its in the free space within the divine hangs out :-)

Take care ,
Love Sabine (cologne, Germany)

It can so hard for us mamas out there. An isolating job, unappreciated and every day is a new challenge. It's exhausting but exhilerating at the same time.

You are doing a great job!

Sorry for the late post, but I blog reading has been a lower priority for me...

When I get stuck in a craft I find something new to learn. Last time I picked up papercutting (inexpensive to start: fine tipped scissors or an exacto knife and scraps of paper.)

The break from fiber gave me a chance to use my creativity in a new way for a month and now I am full of new ideas. You can also pick up beads and play with new stitches and make some presents at the same time. :-)

There are lots of free sites on the web for both of the things I mentioned, and hundreds of other ideas too.

Good luck-but remember being a momma is the most important thing. Everything else is gravy.

Hugs, Heather

Hello Anna

Hope this helps: When my baby was that age, I had the feeling I would never ever get anything finished ever again.

In the meantime, he's in kindergarden a few hours every day (and he loves it), and I can use these hours as very strong time for myself (or my job).

Oh, yeah, and concerning this being-the-perfect-mom-thing: All parents make mistakes; see what mistakes all our own parents made, and still, we, their kids, all turned out quite perfect in the end, didn't we?

AnnaA